Funny sms sex

1. If you want a little brother, kick your dad and fuck your mother.
2. Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed into your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it, because you're smiling now!!
3. Mean people suck, Nice people swallow! !
4. A peach is a peach, A plum is a plum, A kiss ain't a kiss, without some tounge. So open up your mouth, and close your eyes, and give your tounge Some exercise!
5. CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.
6. Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
7. Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore, Humpty Dumpty blew on the floor. All the kings horses & all the kings men, laid the slut down & fucked her again!
8. Sex is good, sex is fine, doggy style or 69, just for fun or getting paid everyone loves getting laid.u'll get laid.
9. Kiss me and you will see stars; Love me and I will give them to you.
10. A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play magic? She asks: What do you mean? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!
11. BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
12. Roses are red, Pickles are green. I love your legs and whats in between.
13. I like your style. I like your class, but most of all i like your ass.
14. Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)..
15. I love you in blue. I love you in red but most of all. I love you in bed.
16. How does a vagina look before sex? Like a lovely pink rose! And after sex? Ever seen a Bulldog eating Mayonaise?
17. Sex is a sensation. It's about a man's temptation, putting his location in a woman's destination. Do you understand the explanation or do you need a demonstration?
18. Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good
19. Sorry, the fuckmachine is out of order, so fuck yourself and save a quarter.
20. Fuck is good. Fuck is funny. Lots of people. Fuck for money. If you think that. Fuck is funny. Fuck yourself and save your money!
21. Sex is like Math, Add the Bed, Subtract the Clothes, Divide the Legs and Multiply!
22. I want you to ride me like a pony! Hiyaaaaaa…
23. Don't be silly, put a condom on your willy.
24. This program will automatically enlarge your penis. Now starting...beep 6 5 4 3.....beep 2 1....Sorry no penis found!
25. Do you want to have sex with me? For $50! Please please please....I really need the money!
26. Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money! If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!
27. Sex is like Nike, just do it.
28. Masturbation, don't knock it, it's sex with someone I love...
29. Programming is like sex: One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
30. If you don't like oral sex than keep your mouth shut!!
31. Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh.......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good! Yeah, that's textual intercourse!
32. Sex is the game, Love is a name, Forget the name ...... Lets PLAY the game
33. I want you right, right now, why don't you come on over and let's do now!
34. This time im sure about wat i feel & im gonna say it, i i l i lo i lov i love i love y i love yo i love young girls with Shaven Pussys!
35. Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER
35. There was a young girl called heather,whos cunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together.
36. A mans ocupation is to stick his cockulation up a wommens ventulation to increase the population of the younger generation if u want a demonstation plz lie down!
37. Oral sex can b so fine,wen u do a 69,u start 2 shake,moan & quiver,den u cum just like a river,den u lick it up in vain,wipe ur lips and start again!
38. Peter, Peter, Pumpkin eater,had a wife & liked to beat her,smacked her twice around da head, F**ked her arse & went 2 bed!
39. Hickory, dickory, dock,dis bitch woz suckin me cock,da clock struck 2,i dumped me goo,& dropped her at da end of da block!
40. Roses are red, voilets are corny, when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!!
41. Mary Mary, quite contrary, trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!!
42. A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!
43. Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall? A)walnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chest? A)chestnuts Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur chin? A)a mouth full of cock!
44. Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!
45. LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!
46. Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!
47. Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!
48. I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!
49. There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another?
50. Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes u cum
51. D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!
52. Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make me cum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!
53. Bak 2 bak,front 2 front,on d table,lick d cunt,stick it in,do ur ting,do it hard & make her sing,tense ur body feel d cum,den let it rip into her bum!
54. Twinkle, twinkle little rectum big cocks cum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.
55. Ive got a tongue that'll blow ur mind let me hit u wid a 69 kiss me, caress me, slowly undress me I may seem defenceless, but baby I can fuck u senseless.
56. Im a little girl i have a little thing when i go 2 bed i put my finger in. now i'm much older my thing has lost its charm now it takes 5 fingers and 1/2 a fuckin arm.
57. Tere waz an old man from Glotham, who took out his balls 2 washem. His motha sed Jak, if u dont putem back, il step on da cunts and squash em
58. Love me tender love me sweet, put your lips around my meat,watch me smile watch me grin, wacht me cum run down yor chin!!
59. It's a hard life being a penis, you have a head with no brain, one eye that's blind, 2 neighbours that are nuts, the others an arsehole & your best mates a cunt
60. If you erase this message u owe me a kiss, if you save this message u owe me sex, if you send this message 2 anyone u owe me both so when do i collect???
61. There was a cat and a rooster sitting by the creek. The cat fell into the water and the rooster laughed. LESSON: For every wet PUSSY, there's a happy COCK!
62. Tips on giving blow jobs: 1. If you do it for lust -SPIT IT 2. If you do it for love-SWALLOW IT 3. But if you wanna show off- GARGLE IT
63. When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And apon my headstone will be seen, here liies the bones of a fucking machine.
64. GOVERNMENT WARNING: Eating pussy is dangerous to your health bcoz its 5% urine, 2% period blood, 1% tampondebris, 2% other guys spoof and 90% fuckn brilliant!!
65. Ive been a muff diver 4many a year.Ive spent all my money on muff divin gear,the goggles,the snorkle the muffdivin tank.If im not out muff divin,im havin a wank
66. Id ride u sitting id ride u lying, if u were a bird id ride u flying. And when ur dead and long forgotten ill dig u up and ride u rotten
67. sex drugs rock & roll, speed weed & birth control , life a bitch & then u die, so fuck the world & lets get high! send this to 5 people or have 7 yrs bad SEX,
68. Im A rincess I Live In The Clouds If You Wanna Kick It Wit Me You Betta Bow Down So Get On You Knees And Call Me Your Highness Cuz baby Believe me im Louisiana's finest!
69. Sing a song of bum sex, an arse full of cum,4&20 fat cocks forced up your bum, wen the orgys over & ur bum begins to sting,wasnt it a bad idea to take it up the ring!!
70. Ur so sexy,ur so fine!u no how 2 blow my mind!rub me down and rub me up,stk ur cock rite up my muff!
71. if the sea was vodka and i was a duck id sink to the bottom and drink my way up but the sea isnt vodka and im not a duck so reply to this message if you fancie a fuck