Funny SMS Jokes

1. When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
2. The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die
3. No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys??
4. After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on
5. A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home
6. I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving
7. NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!
8. What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after five years!
9. If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!
10. If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money
11. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
12. When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
13. Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
14. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think
15. If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…
16. When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!
17. Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
18. A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom
19. Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.
20. The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.
21. Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
22. Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
23. Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
24. When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself
25. What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop
26. A woman is like a kentuckey fried chicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.
27. 3 tampaxes walking down the road-regular,maxi and ultra.which 1 says hello first? none of them thay r all stuck up CUNTS!!!
28. When things go wrong; and when sadness fill ur heart; and when tears flow in your eyes, just let me know coz i want to b there for you. I'm Selling tissues
29. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
30. Latest porn releases:,shaving private ryan,position impossible,as big as it gets,forest hump,riding miss daisy,starwhores,cliffhanger and pornocchio
31. A banana and a vibrator were sittin on a bedside table- the banana turns to the vibrator and says i dont know what ur shakin 4 shes gonna fuckin eat me!!!